My therapist says it took strength for me to seek help, I didn’t see it as being strong, for me it was desperation, emotionally and mentally I’d hit rock bottom, I had backed myself into such a tight corner, “getting help” was the last hope.
When I started blogging again 2 years ago I thought I was in remission, as I began to really open up about what I felt my homelessness situation, reading so many blogs seeing despair and hope, but mainly seeing this community pulls together, we come from every corner of the globe even though many have a great network of support from family and friends many don’t and blogging for me anyway became a surrogate family.
For the last 4 years I completely lost control of my life, one minute it was there, next I was reduced to the clothes I stood in and bag, not to mention I became invisible, to lose myself into the depths of depression and not even having the basic human need of a home, it has completely changed me in ways I could never have imagined, so does that mean I’m strong because I survived, or because I can accept that it has happened.
I continue with CBT, I have to admit some weeks I really struggle with the whole concept, other times I see glimmers of hope, it’s hard work, though I feel in the long run it will be beneficial, it has to be, I’ve long since admitted to myself that I cannot continue on this path without change as I’ve said many times teeny tiny baby steps.
Courage s the word I prefer to use to go forward and accept there are bumps in the road, most importantly it’s Ok to ask for help, you are not alone.
Thank you to those who read my ramblings, also huge thank to the Doctors/therapists out there who make a difference.