Daring To Hope

I referred myself to mind (click link to read all about it, this was Thursday and today it was my telephone assessment.

I had to fill in quite an intensive questionnaire, for sections covering all areas of my mental health, that was challenging, because it’s hard to know how to score the severity of your symptoms, I’m hardly impartial, the measure is quite small, I hoped I’d be able to explain in more detail when the assessor rang.

Promptly at 2.30 the phone rand, with a very pleasant-sounding lady at the other end who quickly explained that the assessment to gauge my mental state but also for them to get as full a picture as possible so they could offer the appropriate support.

As I’d already written out all my scores, we went through portion quickly, we then went back to the start and began to go through each question in detail, even though this was to last 45 mins I didn’t feel rushed and was able to give thorough answers to her questions.

We talked a little about my upbringing work, life presently what support systems I have place did I have any coping mechanisms that I use, I told her about this blog and how much it did help and the support from the community.

We also talked about suicide and self harm, although I’ve had some ideation and did make an unsuccessful attempt several years ago, now it just took the form of not wanting to wake up, she did ask about anger which of course I do get quite angry sometimes, but have a temper that I can control and others aren’t at a risk from me.

I talked at length about homelessness, and explained my current living situation and how desperate it had all got and felt that this was the last stop before I’d end up sleeping rough, I didn’t even cry, my voice seemed to come from a long way, I’ve told this tale so many times, sometimes it’s hard to believe this is happening to me.

She asked many questions about this, and what kind of support I was getting to at the very least get some attention, I explained that I don’t fit the criteria I’m deemed not vulnerable enough, she expressed concerns about this and noted it all down, she even apologised that I was in this situation, which was surprising as it wasn’t her doing, but I recognised the compassion there, and it was a reaction from one human to another that they felt empathy, to be honest that made my heart skip a beat.

Just on the answers given she said the results show depression and a high level of anxiety, several therapies were named

Over the phone

one to one

group

I chose on to one(CBT) feeling it would be the best for me, there is a waiting list 4-6 weeks however an appointment would probably come up sooner.

As an urgent case I’ve been allocated a support worker to assist with my housing issues, debt management, benefits, and they will work with me until it has been resolved, as by having this assessment and the streets looming I’m now considered vulnerable.

Two things happened in quick succession, I got my feedback plus several detailed reading material, plus the letter of referral for therapy plus support telephone numbers, by email

Second I had a phone call from the support team for housing who gave me an option to try tomorrow so I’ll register with this new agency, and my support worker will be in contact by tomorrow as I’m an urgent case.

So there is a glimmer a long way to go yet, I liked the way the way they put measure into place quickly and the responses were sooner and not later, if I’d gone through the NHS it’d be weeks before I would have heard anything.

I might turn that corner after all.

Sorry this all seems a bit patchy I’m a bit out of it tonight, side effects still giving some problems.