The title of this post comes from the Gloria Gaynor Song “I Will Survive” which is always generally used as an ode to long-lost lovers, but can equally be used for friends who in times of trouble vanish into the ether and return when they think all is Ok.
In my post I’ll Be There For You I wrote about friends who you think will always be there for you, and aren’t to be blunt.
I’ve always been of the opinion “what you put in you get out” some friends think differently they will only “put in” until it becomes difficult.
I found after being ill for so long, then homelessness heaped on top of that, as you try to rebuild brick by brick, old friends come sidling back into your life, literally from out of space.
It amazes me how completely they disappear from your life, so it’s always a shock when they return, with their fake smiles and offers of renewed friendship, with one or two I hardly knew how to respond and violence is never the answer, though I did entertain some pretty nasty thoughts, but I’m the better person!
I was told by one that she just couldn’t cope with anything like that it was too real, so that explains why she didn’t return my calls or when I knocked on her door looking for a sofa for the night, that she didn’t even open the door.
Too real, seriously are we not all living real lives with real challenges, were not to know how those challenges are going to manifest, but at the very least we expect our friends to pick up the phone and not disappear into the sunset.
What really pisses me off is that they blame you, if you didn’t have mental problems, if you weren’t homeless, if you weren’t so needy, if you didn’t have a chronic illness that was invisible the list goes on, yes it’s all your fault that I could no longer be your friend in times of need and here’s the kicker
Forgiveness is a word bandied about, it’s not so much that I’ve forgiven than just let it go, because my health is important, when people face devastating circumstances in their lives it only compounds the issue when friends disappear, and even worse when they come back, another “friend” actually said “I’m glad your better because I’ve had no one to talk to” my reply was ” you do realise I’m still suffering mild bouts of depression and still homeless, my problems are far from over” and I just got this look like I disappointed her, can I say selfish.
What I’m really trying to get at, is that you can’t always go back to the way things were you have made discoveries about yourself and some of your friends, were no longer kids it can’t be kissed better, a serious breach was made, which has given you a burden if you will, a burden of giving up someone who you thought was a friend and if your to fully recover, they have to go.
Some people can never imagine the hurt they cause even when spelled out to them, so when they do come back you have to think very carefully perhaps for the first time about who you want in your life, and if you can go forwards with them in a healthy way.
I’ve lost several friends over the last few years, not necessarily due to my circumstances, however because of that it made me look at those few with new eyes, and it was a case of out with old and in with the new, and I’m much healthier for it.
Have you had to sever friendships, because it’s best for you?