A bit of a mixture today, lets see the last week or so things haven’t been great with me, my mood is pretty low, by now I’m so used to the ups and downs, I try to go with the flow but it doesn’t always work.
I’m flat sitting again which ends next week, for about 5 days, but still have to find a sofa for that in-between time, which is getting harder, I keep trying to get help but because of local funding all of the charitable agencies have shut down or are reduced to such an extent most of the time isn’t worth visiting.
I’m still working and have more work, however my savings are still meagre, and saving up enough for a deposit is going at a snail’s pace, I’m seriously considering setting up a Gofundme account to see if I can speed up the process that way, it seems like begging, however that’s where I’m at right now.
I haven’t left the flat since Tuesday, seems I’ve taken myself hostage whilst I try to make sense of everything, and not really getting anywhere seems everywhere I turn I’m backed into a corner, the proverbial rabbit in the headlights.
Last night I did a post, and for some reason the formatting went wrong and I couldn’t fix it and ended up in tears, awful how something so simple can reduce you into a quivering wreck, though it’s just symptomatic of how I feel right now, so I ended up deleting the post, and it will form part of this post.
Last week I wrote a post about Acceptance I didn’t think about the downside, which I talked about in a comment, I’m more resigned than accepting, I’ve gone through all the grieving stages, but adding resignation to the list, tinged with anger, that I can’t seem to get myself together, what’s the point I ask, and as usual I have no answers, or perhaps I can’t recognise who I once was, with this stranger that has inhabited my life over the last 10 years, it sucks.
Awards
Many thanks to breakdownchick for nominating me for this award.
The Premio Dardos Award: is given in recognition of cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values in the form of creative and original writing, I would like to add for those who tirelessly make us aware about the issue of mental health, invisible illness, Abuse
* Accept the award also giving the link back to the blogger who nominated you
* Post the award on your blog
* Pass the award onto 5-10 people
Dragon Loyalty Award
Thanks to losttothedark for nominating me for this award
This award is designed to give recognition and thanks to those who support you on your blog, whether it be comments or likes ( sometimes I don’t know where I’d be without the words of wisdom and encouragement)
* Put award logo on your post and link back to the blogger who nominated you
* Nominate 5-10 bloggers
* List 7 facts about yourself
I nominate:
The life and times of a clinical depressive
7 Facts About Me
* I’m a chocaholic, last night was eating a Twix now eating chocolate shortbread biscuits
* I’m terrified of spiders and have been known to wake neighbours up to get rid of them, seriously otherwise I wouldn’t be able to sleep in the house.
* I’m an old Black & White Holliwood movie fan, my favourite films and actors are Now Voyager Bette Davis, On The Waterfront- Marlon Brando
* Love travelling my fave place is New York, followed closely by Australia
* An avid reader of all genres, my particular favorites are crime thrillers, Agatha Christie anyone.. Just finished reading The Woods by Harlan Coben
* love dancing but sadly have two left feet
* My favourite foods are Roast Lamb with all the trimmings, and Chinese Food
Starlight blogger award given in recognition of inspirational bloggers
Many thanks to losttothedark (link above) for nominating me
*Post award on blog and link back to the person who nominated you
Award blog to 5-10 bloggers.
I’m not going to list everyone, however all that I follow and comment on you all inspire me in many ways, and for that I’m grateful and honoured to be a part of such a wonderfully supportive community, so please take this award with my blessing.
I know many of you are award free, so there is no obligation to accept, that your here is also reward enough.
therabbitholez
The Rabbit Hole 
Congratulations on the awards you deserve them 🙂
I didn’t know you could get awards on blogs, you learn something everyday!
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Thanks, the awards do the rounds from to time, they’re fun encourage us to write, and find you blogs to read.
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I hope things start to pick up for you soon. Thank you for the award x
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Thanks and your welcome :),just trying to relax, hopefull I’ll turn the corner soon.
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I would like so much for you to start to get ahead and also get a break. In spite of what is or is not going on in your day to day life, your blog is something I always look forward to reading.
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Thank you, your comments are always on point and very supportive I really appreciate that.
I just keep everything crossed, that things will turn out ok in the long run.
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I am in need of a wheelchair accessible van, so I did set up a GoFundfMe page. It is getting people’s attention, and I’ve had one donation so far.
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Fantastic, I’m still in two minds about it, but think in the long run it’d be worth trying:)
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Anything that might help improve your situation, is worth trying. There is no such word as “failure” in our vocabularies.
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Thank you, it’s the push I needed I’ll be looking up the site and see what can be done.:)
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Thank you for my nomination! It is very much appreciated, especially since it came from one of my favorite bloggers. You are in my thoughts and prayers!
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Your welcome, it’s well deserved. 🙂
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I had never heard of gofundme, but it looks amazing and people do seem to raise donations. I’ve seen a couple of blogs with a donation button and if you could tie something into the recent posts you wrote on homelessness, that may also help. There was an article in London newspapers recently about “professional beggars.” Some of these people owned their own homes outside London, but made so much money from sitting on the streets, they would come to the city and live rough for a couple of weeks at a time. I wish I had the nerve, but like you, it feels uncomfortable to ask.
I know people are good at offering advice and you’ve probably tried everything, but I still do feel that you genuinely have more MH needs and sometimes we need to lay it on thick just to be accepted into a particular service, but you are just as deserving as the next person.
It must be nice to have the opportunity to sit indoors for a few days and some of that choc shortbread sounds just lovely. I will eat choc until the house is dry, so tend not to buy too much.
About the resignation… it’s a much better word for your situation than acceptance. In many ways, it wouldn’t be right to accept your circumstances, but while things are not changing, the resignation will hopefully keep you sane.
Last, but not least, congratulations on your award
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As always you hit the nail on the head:) I’ll be going back to the doctors as I feel I’m sliding down that slippery slope again, I can feel the apathy rising, and want to catch it before it becomes unmanageable.
The professional beggars are everywhere, which makes me so angry because they’re taking from people who have nothing, and it just reinforces the idea that all homeless are just shiftless and not worth a second glance.
I’ve taken a look at the GoFundMe site and have created an account, taking a breather before the next step, I’m already plagued with “what if no one donates” but for now it’s still an option.
Chocolate is my salvation and downfall..lol
Your correct about resignation, however I don’t want it to be the norm,but for right now, it’s where I’m at.
Thank you as always for you insightful feedback.
x
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Good luck with it, it certainly won’t cost you anything and may even prove helpful.
I am pleased you’re going to the GP, but don’t feel discouraged when there seems little services. Even a referral to a surgery counsellor is a start and hopefully you can finally start to tap into something that will meet your GENUINE need. 🙂
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I’m a bit wary of counsellor’s, but this time round, I feel I need to do the work, before things get worse.
As for Gofundme, still not quite plucked up the courage to write my plea, but got a few ideas about what I want to say:)
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A counsellor would be able to refer you onto other agencies
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