I seem to spend my time just thinking about solutions for what seems to be impossible problems.
My homeless status remains the same I carry my two bags around daily which contain my whole life at the moment and honestly it just feels like a huge chain around my neck, coupled with the fact that I just seem even more tired than usual, the GP prescribed iron tablets, it took a will of iron not to just tell them where to go, I want to discuss my problems which I think is all related, homelessness, anxiety about that has been really wearing me down lately.
Doctors literally have about 3 minutes per patient it seems, so the diagnoses was quick, and again I just feel like I’ve just been left to go it alone.
That word alone keeps creeping into my thoughts, and the truth is I do feel very much alone, as I try my hardest to keep things together, this survival lark isn’t for sissies, it’s a road to nowhere, and I’m running out of road.
I keeping thinking I’ve come so far and learned so many lessons, isn’t it about time this learning paid off, but it seems I have yet more lessons to learn , about myself and am wondering how desperate to things have to be before that one magical elusive lesson all comes together so my life can get back on track.
There has been some improvement, on the work front, I’ve manged to secure a little more freelance work, which means I can save a little more, it will still be a long while before I have I need to, but there again, when you have to buy luxuries like the basic essentials, and even though I don’t pay rent but do have to contribute to utilities, which is more than fair, but the pounds really don’t stretch that far.
All in all I’m fed up of learning lessons which will improve my lot, I know it sounds trite and in life it’s not something we can actually live without, but just sometimes I wish I could just go from here to there without the inevitable struggle, it’s sapping my strength.
Mentally I’m holding up reasonably well, but on a few occasions I’ve felt a few pangs of being pulled downwards into the lions den as it were and have to be, whilst at this low ebb to be very mindful of myself, that lesson I’ve learned the really hard way.
Do you ever feel that you need a break from learning your lessons?