Broken Friendship

5a78a367824bbf2b101edb8f7fe45014I’ve been pondering on this for some time, though I’ve still not quite made up my mind I think I’ll have to sever a friendship with a close friend.

I can’t quite believe it has come down to this, but you see, I feel it’s no longer healthy to have them in my life.

To go back they entered my life at a time when there really was no hope, I was a wreck, and barely hanging on, and they seemed at the time like a gift from the universe,I needed someone and hey presto! they were there.

We grew close quite quickly and they were one of the first I’d told about my homeless status, and what I think really drew me to them, was that there seemed to be no judgement, they were offering friendship only, I didn’t need anything else from them, they were looking too because they’re also broken in a different way, so it seemed like the perfect match.

We talk about anything and everything always in-depth we revealed aspects of our past and compared notes, however it seemed to me that they kind of gloat over my problems, is the only way they could explain it, mine seemed worse than his, and at first there just little comments here and there that seemed off, but not serious enough for me to confront what was said, trouble is this started to become frequent, and we would argue they would apologise and we’d go on, however deep down I knew this wasn’t sitting right with me.

In truth since my depression, my instinct have not been on target, and when you’re at a low point in life you grab onto anything that seems like an anchor and tend not to think about the “why” back in the day I would have most likely steered clear, but that’s by the by now.

The other major problem is my friend has quite a severe drink problem which also wasn’t apparent when we first met, and even worse is an a nasty vindictive aggressive drunk, yeah even I’m rolling my eyes at that one, but having worked within hospitality for many years I can handle drinkers, but when they are close friends you choose your words more carefully when talking about their exploits, though there were times when I’d really go at them, but you see it’s never their fault, it’s the drink…yep go figure.

When I also looked at they’re relationships with others I began to see the pattern, controlling to the point of being abusive, especially with people who can’t fight back, I did many a time and as I explained I don’t need alcohol to fuel my temper, press the right buttons and off I go, they even said to me once “why must I always oppose them” (this sounds like the worst relationship on the planet) I opposed because I didn’t want to be their victim, that was met with angry silence because I’d hit a soft spot, so they were aware of what they were doing.

There were many kindnesses as well and we did support each other during our various trials, the only problem being I had to express gratitude far greater than the support received, which I refused to do, a simple “thank you” is never enough, btw they rarely said thank you and when pointed out it was met with a shrug, there is a true narcissistic for you, I should absolutely be happy that they chose to be friends with me.

The upshot of all of this is that when I really needed them they let me down and I forgave their actions, even though they were going through a pretty rough time, they should have told me and not left me to dangle, whilst I waited for their help, a friend wouldn’t have done that, and that for me was the beginning of the what I might think is the end, and over the last few months there have been several other incidents that have left me open-mouthed in awe of their unacceptable way of treating others, in fact in many aspects the friendship has become tyrannical and I can no longer condone it.

I’ve known in my heart of hearts for a longtime that this association has to end, mentally I’m tougher and feel the old warrior in me rising to the fore, and I’m not that person anymore, but I will not be controlled or take abuse, and that I’ve allowed this for so long goes against everything I believe in how you’re to treat others, my only excuse is that I was caught on a downward spiral and had no defences, and sometimes with so-called friends you just have to call time and go your separate ways.

What are your experiences with friendships that have broken?

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About therabbitholez

I returned to this blog in September 2014, after a 2 year absence, due to depressive illness and homelessness. This journey charts the rocky road to recovery and my feelings about it, and getting a home together after losing everything, this too has been a rocky rocky, both things connected on many levels, but separate at the same time. If you want to know more please read my blog:) and comment on any blog you like I enjoy the interaction, and belong to a great community on here. Thanks for reading.:)
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19 Responses to Broken Friendship

  1. I noticed you purposely left out pronouns to protect the not so innocent. Your friend seems a bit narcissistic and your troubles just make them feel better about themselves. they are probably very insecure inside. I usually am the one who drives people away so maybe I am no expert. I do know that the end of a friendship can be very upsetting so even though you are the one doing the letting go, it is still hard.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello ltns 🙂

      Oh yes this person is very self asorbed, and it has become too much, I realise it makes them feel better to put me down, but in the end they just let themselves down, and people eventually walk away, and they’re even more alone sadly.

      Like

  2. Gale Wright says:

    I have become entangled in friendships that turned very, very sour on me and getting out of them made it even worse. But there was no alternative. I had to get out once I knew what my role was to be. I can be very forgiving and there are people who use that against you. They think it gives them permission to be abusive. And because they are very damaged people, they do in fact need to be abusive and need that kind of relationship. I’d rather be alone. Being honest and open-hearted and fair- minded seems to draw more of these types in. They feed off of that.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Your last sentence made sense, and has given me more to think about.

      They are very very needy, and if you don’t comply with what their vision of what your friendship should be, they begin to wear you down.

      I began backing off several months ago, and have told them repeatedly that I’m not interested in being a verbal punch bag, and that they need also to tell this stuff to the person they are really mad at, that of course falls on deaf ears.

      I think I will probably make the break, I’ll be sad because they do have really good points, however the toxicity is getting to be too much.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Gale Wright says:

        You’re still in a re-building mode because of climbing out of depression and homelessness. The toxicity is even more damaging at times like these. Although it’s never really a good time to hook up with narcissists…..

        Liked by 2 people

      • You know passive aggressives and narcisists I avoid like the plague because you just can’t deal with them, I was caught at a very low ebb, not an excuse as such but I need to come out from under.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I had to cut a friend out of my life. The friendship was having a negative impact on my mental health. They didn’t understand about depression and anxiety and were incredible nasty to me x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Its always hard when you know that you have to end a friendship, but your own health and sanity is far more important. I know its a hard place to be though.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I had to end a friendship at the beginning of the year. She was toxic to my mental health from lack of understanding and no empathy x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Cat says:

    It looks like I am a little behind with your blog. I am glad you mentioned narcissist first. You don’t need me to tell you that narcs will always use other people for their own ego and gloating on someone else’s misfortune only deflects from their own shit. Kindness is a narcs most cunning tool and throws the rest of their selfish and greedy behaviour into doubt. He left you dangling at the worst moment and then uses his own ‘poor me’ pathetic excuses to justify the disappointment. Hope you’re doing okay

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m ok, surviving, your quite right they project their crap onto you as you know, but more than that, there is a vindictiveness behind it, as they wrong foot you every time.

      This is the last of the seriously toxic in my life, and ultimately they have to go.

      Liked by 1 person

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