A-Z Blogging Challenge – Theme: Homelessness
V = Validated
I remember a time when I didn’t have to validate who I was, you having a home means a job, bank account, a base, it says who you are and without a home your not valid.
The whole buisness of being a functional human being disappears when you lose your home, , it’s more than being invisible, it means there is nothing official to say you even exist, and each time you try to get help, you have to prove who you are and when your on the outside of the system, it’s like you get locked away in some archive, that no one knows how to access.
When you talk about home you have to recall when you did have one and use the information from there, sometimes I catch myself saying “I used to..!, then stop, forgetting I’m not really part of that dialogue when others talk about their homes and what occurs between those four walls.
Like now in temporary place to stay I can’t go back until 10pm, so I’m sitting here in a local cafe using the free wifi, watching people come and go,however their final destination is home, I can’t really complain because I do have shelter, not nearly as nice as when I was flat sitting, but it is shelter, so I’m more fortunate than the many I can see from the window settling down for the night, having just got their coffee and sandwich from the nightly volunteers.
When I go back tonight my bags as usual are heavy I have to carry around my change of clothes, and other essentials, only two bags bursting at the seams, which also means if I have to move in a hurry I can, only ever leaving a faint impression that I was ever there.
I’m working tomorrow, so the day will be filled with activity and I can forget for a few hours, that I don’t really have anywhere to go, then on Tuesday’s back to knocking on doors, trying to get my voice heard and as always attempting to be validated, by someone believing that I should have a permanent home, but also understanding that my knocks on doors, seeking validation are also cries for help, so that I can become visible, I’m tired of leading this half life.