Validation

index60A-Z Blogging Challenge – Theme: Homelessness

V = Validated

I remember a time when I didn’t have to validate who I was, you having a home means a job, bank account, a base, it says who you are and without a home your not valid.

The whole buisness of being a functional human being disappears when you lose your home, , it’s more than being invisible, it means there is nothing official to say you even exist, and each time you try to get help, you have to prove who you are and when your on the outside of the system, it’s like you get locked away in some archive, that no one knows how to access.

When you talk about home you have to recall when you did have one and use the information from there, sometimes I catch myself saying “I used to..!, then stop, forgetting I’m not really part of that dialogue when others talk about their homes and what occurs between those four walls.

Like now in temporary place to stay I can’t go back until 10pm, so I’m sitting here in a local cafe using the free wifi, watching people come and go,however their final destination is home, I can’t really complain because I do have shelter, not nearly as nice as when I was flat sitting, but it is shelter, so I’m more fortunate than the many I can see from the window settling down for the night, having just got their coffee and sandwich from the nightly volunteers.

When I go back tonight my bags as usual are heavy I have to carry around my change of clothes, and other essentials, only two bags bursting at the seams, which also means if I have to move in a hurry I can, only ever leaving a faint impression that I was ever there.

I’m working tomorrow, so the day will be filled with activity and I can forget for a few hours, that I don’t really have anywhere to go, then on Tuesday’s back to knocking on doors, trying to get my voice heard and as always attempting to be validated, by someone believing that I should have a permanent home, but also understanding that my knocks on doors, seeking validation are also cries for help, so that I can become visible, I’m tired of leading this half life.

AARP_Homeless-1

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About therabbitholez

I returned to this blog in September 2014, after a 2 year absence, due to depressive illness and homelessness. This journey charts the rocky road to recovery and my feelings about it, and getting a home together after losing everything, this too has been a rocky rocky, both things connected on many levels, but separate at the same time. If you want to know more please read my blog:) and comment on any blog you like I enjoy the interaction, and belong to a great community on here. Thanks for reading.:)
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6 Responses to Validation

  1. Gale Wright says:

    I still don’t understand the having to stay away until 10 pm. That’s really late in the day. If you’re only there for a few days anyway, what’s so hard about co-existing for a couple hours before bedtime? People are so odd to me. If I was letting someone stay in my house, I would actually let them stay in my house.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Sometimes generosity comes with conditions and i can’t really refuse them, so anytime after 10 is the rule, they want their privacy, though I’d be in the room they have given me the whole time, I’ve learned to be an unobtrusive guest.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Gale Wright says:

        It’s good to have boundaries and set rules. This one just seems not completely thought out to me. I live in a small town–not sure what my “guest” would do with themselves until 10 o’clock at night. At any rate, I’m glad they let you stay with them at all and I hope someone helps you in a way that you can actually get a leg up on things.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I don’t mind too much, I’m sitting in my favorite cafe which has free wifi, so not to bad, just hoping that it doesn’t go on for more than a couple of weeks.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. lydiaa1614 says:

    I have known homeless people and I am amazed by the strength you have. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to catching up on your story and your future posts.

    Liked by 1 person

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