T = Treadmill
I can’t believe I’ve made it to the letter T, seems such a long time since I started this challenge and I’ve learned much about myself in the process, mainly that opening up helps a great deal, this was the one area of my life that I’ve kept hidden for such a long time such was my own disgust for being homeless, and losing my identity as a person.
I’m still going to be on the treadmill for a while to come I think, no matter how fast I run I’m going to zero, in a hurry, I cannot knock on anymore doors, make another phone call or chase another lead, it’s sapping my strength and everyday I feel like giving up.
The loneliness no matter how many people you tell, you are still alone, and when alone with just my thoughts for company things can threaten to get very dark, so I fight that, I fought too hard to stabilise my mental health to allow it to take me hostage again, but I guess I’m just out of ideas.
Sitting here writing this I can feel the tears of frustration threatening to spill over, but to cry will show weakness, and in that the mask will slip, but I’m so tired, just completely exhausted with trying to resolve this issue.
Tomorrow as they say is another day, and who knows what that’ll bring, in some ways I’m to scared to find out, it would be like admitting there is no hope, and I know deep down there is I just have to connect with it, feel it surging through my mind and accept that something will happen for the good.