Powerless

A-Z Blogging Challenge – Theme: Homelessness

P =Powerless

In writing about my experiences with homelessness, it’s brought home to me how powerless I’ve become, I literally have no power in anything I do.

It’s very disheartening because without money or a home you have no base in which your life can grow and move forward.

Many people say “why don’t you do this, or why don’t you do that”? believe me I’ve thought of a million things, and some I’ve tried, but your still subject to another’s whimsy as they have power and you don’t.

I could sit in the various offices of the different agencies on a daily basis, but as I’ve said before I don’t fit their specific criteria, so it’s not that they won’t or can’t help I just go to the back of a very long queue, and as others who are classified as more vulnerable you just go further back.

I could do a house share, but don’t have the funds to get started, my friends well not all have that kind of money to spare especially those with families and I’m loath to ask others as it smacks of begging, and I just don’t have it pay back, that would have to be a very long-term agreement, and realistically you can’t expect people to wait forever for their money.

Presently I’ve been flat sitting for a very good friend,I’ve had a weeks reprieve, but they’re back after the weekend, how can I complain I’ve been here for two months, I can only show gratitude, not that it’s expected but being a person without power you have to show gratitude all the time.

I hate feeling powerless, it makes me less than everyone else, I have to smile when I don’t want to, I have to almost accept any offers of support given, even worse sometimes when you hear people talking about the homeless even within your own group you cringe inside, because they’re talking about you, also I have to bite my tongue a lot, why because I say anything it brings the homelessness subject out into the open, therefore  it becomes real and not many want to deal with the reality of that, it’s something that happens to other people, I know because I used to think like that too.

So as well as finding a permanent home it’s also about getting my power back as a human being, and to be seen as human, sometimes I think it’s too much to ask of others and I have to always look to myself.