I Will Survive

9fb408a3d32fd7dd1e3cd5c8c8d8dc05Just having a drink taking my belated 5 minutes to talk as usual we got onto our various lives and what we have lived through, as usual trying to discuss mental health with people who don’t recognise it as an illness is challenging, but was making some headway, or so I thought.

One of the women went through a vicious sexual assault 3 years ago and understandably is coming to terms with this and although she did go to court and won her case she of course still has to live with that terrible event and from time to still has very dark prolonged depressive episodes.

As we talked about surviving events in our lives a comment was made that she understood being depressed over an assault, but life getting you down was hardly the same!!

Well of course the two things are different, but I don’t know if you can say one is worse than the other, I’ve never experienced an assault of any kind so I wouldn’t know what I would feel or indeed be able to go to court and deal with the aftermath when all the support fades into the back round as people return to their daily lives ( this happened to my friend) she has survived but the cost has been a massive impact on her life, but she tries so hard to re-build what has been taken and is doing a pretty good job too.

I felt a little dismissed, we all survive many things in our lives and in many cases were unable to “tell” what has triggered your illness now, we don’t just wake up one morning depressed it can take many years before the symptoms begin to manifest, and can take just as long to find and resolve the triggers that made it occur in the first place.

We cannot compare our pain to others were all different have different capacities for coping or not as we eventually find out, sometimes when I listen to others or read blogs here I’m completely shocked at what I read and have a huge empathy for what they go through, but I cannot suppress my own fears in what I felt/feel to think that way invalidates us all, the downhill ride to a breakdown goes at break neck speed once it takes hold, and no matter how hard you press on the brakes it will not stop until it reaches its final destination, and some of us don’t make it, but many of us do manage to slowly peddle back up that hill.

Unlike the TV programme survivor, it is not about the fittest or who wants it more, the obstacles are much more complex, and there is certainly no big money prize to compensate for the lost years to this illness, all there is you with hopefully your mental state intact so you can continue your life.

When I hear some of the stupid comments made I want to ask “how do you survive being so stupid” then realise they are not stupid just uninformed and prefer to live life in single lane traffic, because it seems safer there.

I could say I’m a survivor, but not just because of one event in my life but a sum total of my life to this point, however every day that I wake up I loosen its grip on me a little each time, that’s what survival means to me each day is a step to be free of depression.

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About therabbitholez

I returned to this blog in September 2014, after a 2 year absence, due to depressive illness and homelessness. This journey charts the rocky road to recovery and my feelings about it, and getting a home together after losing everything, this too has been a rocky rocky, both things connected on many levels, but separate at the same time. If you want to know more please read my blog:) and comment on any blog you like I enjoy the interaction, and belong to a great community on here. Thanks for reading.:)
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8 Responses to I Will Survive

  1. Its a shame that the person thinks that way, what they went through must have been absolutely terrible. But depression, can hit anyone. Its sad that even amongst those with mental health there is still a lot of people who are uninformed about how depression is a disease that can be brought by a event on but can also just happen, much like diabetes or cancer.

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    • It’s hard to change people’s views on subjects like this, even with the wealth of information around them, they still see it as just stress, something that can be overcome quickly.

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  2. Cat says:

    Great post and I agree with everything you say. We cannot compare our experiences. I went through court following an attempted murder and watched my assailant receive his justice, but it did nothing to heal the scars. You are so right, once the case is over and everyone returns to their normal lives…. but who is to say depression is worse than an assault or BPD is worse than depression. It’s sad to see so much ignorance amongst people who should know better. However, I have to say, I was one of them until only 4-5yrs ago. Even though I suffered badly from MH problems, I didn’t know what a MH problem was. It’s difficult to speak out but necessary if we are to change the stigma

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    • I was the same I told a councellor once “I didn’t have time to be depressed” seems I was wrong it has taken so much time from my life, that can never be got back.

      Our experiences are our own, you cannot compare, to do that means you will always be afriad to speak up and get help, therefore the stigma continues to grow.

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  3. peggyricewi says:

    Ignorance and stigma with regards to mental illness, depression in my case, are so hard to overcome. I try to talk about it whenever I can. I’m blogging about it here. Can I enlighten even just one person? But if they don’t want to hear or to learn, I’ll give myself a little rest and refresh, and move on to the next one!

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    • people can understand but tend to require a frame of reference like a family member who is going through it, then they begin to get an inkling, but like other illnesses that are reported widely the same needs to be done for depression.

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  4. I wish they were just uninformed, but there’s a big difference between innocent ignorance and deliberate avoidance…

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