Just having a drink taking my belated 5 minutes to talk as usual we got onto our various lives and what we have lived through, as usual trying to discuss mental health with people who don’t recognise it as an illness is challenging, but was making some headway, or so I thought.
One of the women went through a vicious sexual assault 3 years ago and understandably is coming to terms with this and although she did go to court and won her case she of course still has to live with that terrible event and from time to still has very dark prolonged depressive episodes.
As we talked about surviving events in our lives a comment was made that she understood being depressed over an assault, but life getting you down was hardly the same!!
Well of course the two things are different, but I don’t know if you can say one is worse than the other, I’ve never experienced an assault of any kind so I wouldn’t know what I would feel or indeed be able to go to court and deal with the aftermath when all the support fades into the back round as people return to their daily lives ( this happened to my friend) she has survived but the cost has been a massive impact on her life, but she tries so hard to re-build what has been taken and is doing a pretty good job too.
I felt a little dismissed, we all survive many things in our lives and in many cases were unable to “tell” what has triggered your illness now, we don’t just wake up one morning depressed it can take many years before the symptoms begin to manifest, and can take just as long to find and resolve the triggers that made it occur in the first place.
We cannot compare our pain to others were all different have different capacities for coping or not as we eventually find out, sometimes when I listen to others or read blogs here I’m completely shocked at what I read and have a huge empathy for what they go through, but I cannot suppress my own fears in what I felt/feel to think that way invalidates us all, the downhill ride to a breakdown goes at break neck speed once it takes hold, and no matter how hard you press on the brakes it will not stop until it reaches its final destination, and some of us don’t make it, but many of us do manage to slowly peddle back up that hill.
Unlike the TV programme survivor, it is not about the fittest or who wants it more, the obstacles are much more complex, and there is certainly no big money prize to compensate for the lost years to this illness, all there is you with hopefully your mental state intact so you can continue your life.
When I hear some of the stupid comments made I want to ask “how do you survive being so stupid” then realise they are not stupid just uninformed and prefer to live life in single lane traffic, because it seems safer there.
I could say I’m a survivor, but not just because of one event in my life but a sum total of my life to this point, however every day that I wake up I loosen its grip on me a little each time, that’s what survival means to me each day is a step to be free of depression.