I happened upon this article today http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/09/19/is-depression-an-addiction/
There seems to be a plethora of reasons as to why people are depressed and what continues to trigger it, the author like most of us agree is an illness, however as I thought about some more this afternoon I began to wonder if it wasn’t somewhere in the middle.
I think I’ve mentioned in other blogs when the negative feelings begin to surface, I do feel like I take refuge in that dark place, why because I repeat the behaviours over and over, what starts as just feeling a little down, “snapping out of it” doesn’t seem to be the option.
this will sound weird but I feel as though there is some force calling me back into the fold and I am a willing hostage of that, it’s easy to fall back into those patterns of apathy and negativity, self loathing, seems sometimes I’m only half a step away and other times it’s a yawning chasm, so I wonder what makes me go back.
I never relish those dark episodes when it consumes me, but there is a kind macabre comfort in that place, obviously I don’t want to feel like this and it takes almost super human strength tho pull out of it, which is my greatest fear that if I succumb to it again I won’t escape it will be just easier to stay put.
This is why I don’t like it when doctors just medicate you(I know in many cases it’s necessary) however my fear of becoming addicted to antidepressants is what tends to prolong my episodes, but just feel that in many ways it’s just another thing I don’t need besides the fact they make me feel like I’m wading through treacle, my senses already dulled it’s akin to trying to cut something with a blunt knife, a lot of effort for very little progress(if that makes sense).
I think I’ve conditioned myself to certain behaviours and it’s difficult to break those patterns as they manifest differently every time and also for different reasons and these patterns are the ones that I need to break(which I have to a point) I still believe depression is an illness, but can see why there are perhaps addictive traits.