Cupid Missed Again!

cupid-valentines-day1So here we are again Valentines day will be upon us tomorrow, after Christmas this has got to be one of the most expensive days of the year.

I beginning to think that being single is some terrible crime, again today I was asked what I’ll be doing tomorrow and before I had a chance to reply, the comment was “Oh I forgot your single” I replied that I was and what of it, no reply just that look you get when people think your being defensive which of course I am, only to be expected when asinine comments  directed at you.

In former times days like this I felt were mocking me, not only was I in hell, but didn’t have anyone to share it with except my demons and they were playing a different kind of game, I had a date that lasted 2 long years with my insidious captor.(his name depression)

I know this all sounds very bitter, but I do find this love fest quite strange and I’m removed from it because I’m not at the stage where I think I can’t start forming relationships of the romantic kind.

When your senses have taken such a hammering, people have to understand your dead inside and it takes a very longtime to emerge from your cocoon, I’m managing other areas of my life quite well, some areas are still up in the air, but I cannot cope with romance as nice as it might be, but the thought leaves me cold.

I’m not lonely or yearning to live in a chocolate box world, I need to use this time to get to know me again and understand feelings that have long consigned to the negative box and each piece has to be removed and re-examined by me before I can move on.

I just feel when people put this kind of pressure on you by making you feel that you don’t fit is another form of discrimination, “your over it now, so get out there and find someone” it’s not that easy, it will take someone who has a understanding view of the world, and who will accept me for who I am, not withstanding my compulsive need to clamp my mask on whenever I meet new people especially when I have to give something of myself, I get anxious and pull the draw bridge up, not really a recipe for success.

So yes I won’t be celebrating valentines, but continue to celebrate how far I’ve come in recovery despite the glitches along the way.

I remain for now happily single.


About therabbitholez

I returned to this blog in September 2014, after a 2 year absence, due to depressive illness and homelessness. This journey charts the rocky road to recovery and my feelings about it, and getting a home together after losing everything, this too has been a rocky rocky, both things connected on many levels, but separate at the same time. If you want to know more please read my blog:) and comment on any blog you like I enjoy the interaction, and belong to a great community on here. Thanks for reading.:)
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3 Responses to Cupid Missed Again!

  1. I too remain single, as I am no where near to being capable of being in an intimate relationship with anyone other than the One who created all. His love will never fail me.

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  2. I remember those days… I hated February 14th. I dreaded it. Seeing folks get cards, roses and talking about their plans… it felt like an exclusive member club that I had no chance of ever getting into. Worse, it felt like the members took great pleasure in being blissfully ignorant of how single people felt about it – or, even worse still, they’d pity you for not being a member of the club too.

    So, yeah… not my favourite holiday… (and the numerous failed romantic disasters on that date didn’t help either LOL)


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