Grabbing At Thin Air

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This week has been challenging to say the least, I made a huge desicion last week which I don’t regret, but have no plan B.

I have a few Ideas, though not really viable, so I’m left grabbing at air, which as you can imagine is scary, and I’m still essentially homeless.

Tomorrow I begin again, usually I would give yup at this point, however keeping in mind the goals I’ve set this year, keeps me focused, mentally, although I have wobbles I’m holding up.

What I found is though I have a good network, I seem to want to go it alone this time, I’m not sure that’s the way to go, but feel that sometimes you can rely to heavily on others and forget how to use your own survival skills, no matter how limited they might be.

I will add that I learned this lesson a few days ago when a friend reminded me they don’t have any duty towards me, that hurt a lot, however in retrospect they are right, and with a little questioning I found they had several serious worries of their own, which I didn’t notice.

Of course I felt terrible, I have been wrapped up in my own world for so long I didn’t fully appreciate, that my friends have problems too, this has been addressed apologies made,plus a long chat, and we’ve now given each other the space to deal with our respective problems, but with a phone call each week to update.

I don’t mind much being alone I’ve got used to it over the years, I hasten to add it’s not the stark loneliness that depression brings, it’s just alone which feels different somehow, I know there are friends there to catch me if I fall, though now I’m aware that I’m my own safety net.

Tomorrow is a new day, there is lots to be done, and I will find a way.

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About therabbitholez

I returned to this blog in September 2014, after a 2 year absence, due to depressive illness and homelessness. This journey charts the rocky road to recovery and my feelings about it, and getting a home together after losing everything, this too has been a rocky rocky, both things connected on many levels, but separate at the same time. If you want to know more please read my blog:) and comment on any blog you like I enjoy the interaction, and belong to a great community on here. Thanks for reading.:)
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9 Responses to Grabbing At Thin Air

  1. Stay in the positive and always remember you can choose and alter your own destination. Sometimes alone with your thoughts is the best therapy at times. I hope that you can hurdle this obstacle.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hope Turner says:

    Oh wise Rabbit….you WILL make it. Your strength and wisdom are such an encouragement to me and others.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. nemyawaiting says:

    “I know there are friends there to catch me if I fall, though now I’m aware that I’m my own safety net”… a haunting statement, but all too true at times. People on the outside, although they mean well and love us in their own unique ways, can only help us to bare our burdens but for so long. And when they can no longer and we’re suddenly left to carry it ourselves again… it’s like a ton of bricks hitting all over again.

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  4. “There are always possibilities” – and I know you’re resourceful enough to create them if you can’t find them πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh man, friends who you agree to regularly check in with are the BEST. I’ve always found them hard to establish, but when they briefly blossom they can be so helpful.

    Liked by 1 person

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