When you lose the ability to make decisions albeit temporary, I felt as though I was sitting on the sidelines of my life, it daunting not being able to decide on the simplest of things without it turning you into a wreck, especially when you have someone on the receiving end, that just used to make me feel sick as they watch you and you can feel their patient impatience(can I say it like that..lol).
What always gets me was that I was a decision maker and a pretty good one too, and was always able to articulate what needed to be done or said, but over time it just became a chore, and I think it was two things I got tired of taking the lead and depression just made me mute, even at my lowest point, I couldn’t even make the decision to live or die I just hoped I wouldn’t wake up, thankfully I did.
So again all this got me thinking about being more proactive in getting things done:
Listening * Thinking * Doing
So today armed with my list, I went to the local authority to start the process to deal with my homelessness issue, they were very nice however I’m not a priority or considered a vulnerable adult, so they can’t help, but did give me a list of agencies who might be able to, luckily they’re local and when called i can just walk in.
I went to Citizens Advice to get help to deal with my debts, which not massive but when on a low-income might as well be a million pounds, the appointment is for next week, I’m trying not to get anxious about it, I will, but I’m moving in the right direction.
That was it only two things, on my list, I can’t tell you how hard it was, you feel embarrassed to let others know how out of control your life has got, and that your having to start over and ask for help, now this help is different from medical help as your referred, with this you have to walk in by yourself, and sit and explain, your braced for judgement, which in turns gives you a reason to turn tail and run, so even with a shaky voice my skin prickling all over I told my sorry tail.
I will say that those who I talked to today couldn’t have been nicer and really helpful, I did go with notes so I was able to get through all I wanted to say, even as I’m typing my tummy is doing flip-flops, but I walked out of there smiling both items ticked and now I can move onto the next stage.
Along with new thinking I can tentatively make decisions again and follow through, it will get easier as time goes on, however today I think I scored a victory for being proactive
Positive for today: Being proactive.