On reflection I’ve come to the realisation that my thinking has been askew, instead of temporary fixes I need to build a more solid foundation of goals which I can attain in order to be in control of my life.
The positive as this month draws to a close, it started out terribly the result leaving me homeless, but even worse almost rendered me crippled with the impending fear of depression enveloping me again, though it nipped at my heels I didn’t succumb as in other times, though left with anxiety, but able to function.
So how can I change the construct of my thinking to lead to a path of a more sustainable future, where my recovery can begin again and also to put myself in a more stable financial position because without that base it’s virtually impossible to move forward.
Therefore I again start from scratch, I have looked at my finances which are a mess, plus I also work for others as well as being self-employed, but not earning enough from the two to save regularly, living from hand to foot is sometimes necessary, however if I commit myself to a manageable budget.
1. I private tutor overseas students, I currently have to who pay me per session, that money can be used for daily expenses, I also proof read, but not so often,but it’s a bonus when it comes in.
2. I do work, but only 16 hours and am paid minimum wage, that money can be save each week, easily done because I eat for free and even on my days off I can go in and eat free, therefore making savings on my grocery bills each week.
3. I’m also a bookkeeper granted with only 1 client, however that pays monthly, half of which can be saved the other half can buy other essentials also where I’m staying I can contribute a little towards the utilities and keep my mobile in credit, which I also use as a modem for my laptop.
I can manage this and any extra money earned can go into the pot, but more importantly it has given me clear goals and when followed through step by step I will achieve the first rung on my first goal, by having somewhere to live, even though friends have offered money, it’s tempting, but it has to be paid back and I’m not up for putting myself under any additional pressure.
The reason for the changes, is that I want a future again, but cannot go on as before, as I’d said before yes I’m in recovery, however I didn’t think beyond that I felt safe in the knowledge that I was well again, but didn’t change my thinking towards my various problems, so when disaster struck I was like a rabbit in the headlights.
By attempting to apply more constructively what I have learned, by dealing with each issue seperately I will see more clearly what needs to be done and should there be any problems I can think about it with more clarity by sticking to the principle and not being so rigid about the end solution, things can change in a heart beat and I have to learn to change with it