I expected to have it all, the reality although I have achieved much, I did not expect to break, lose it all and by that I mean my home and succumb to the hell that is depression, and do indeed worry that through my unrealistic expectations if somehow, I’ve brought this all on myself.
That is not really positive thinking as such, however when you try your hardest for years to be good, or at least attempt to, in words and actions, to fall short is a heavy blow to bear.
So can I expect a happy ending, because it’s the dream we all try to attain, or do I just endeavor to do my best, these are the questions that go around in my head, I know the former wasn’t too successful so now perhaps I should try the latter, and it’s possible I might gain a level of happiness that can sustain me.
I often hear people say “they’re entitled” this particular mantra seems to be a new thing from the last 15 years or so, and the expectation is that others should be responsible for your actions and in turn your happiness, I know one truth, only you can be responsible for your life, even when you break the first step towards Mental Health stability is still up to you.
Back to entitlement, I think as humans were entitled to basic humanities, such as respect,food,shelter, to be a part of society no matter race,sexuality,religious beliefs, to act fairly towards others, as many don’t even have the basic equalities we have, in truth they have no voice, hence social stigmas undermine us as a society.
Are we entitled to happiness, that’s a loaded question as it can mean different things based on the individual that is searching for its meaning and wanting to apply it to their life, I prefer contentment as to me that means peace of mind which I’ve been striving hard for.
Ultimately you have to go with what you can live with, and unlike myself set impossible goals which can set you up for failure because my expectations from others and myself were to high and I paid the price and have lost too many years to this black dog living in my head, he needs to start contributing in a more positive way, because as I get stronger one day he’ll be evicted for good.