those we keep from others
and keep from ourselves”
As usual my mind wondered today and landed on secrets, which in many ways I find to be at the very least quite insidious.
Then of course I linked it with depression, and just wondered about the different forms it takes and what can trigger and contribute, added to that the years repressing that particular occurrence thusly leading to an emotional/mental breakdown.
When blog hopping as well as reading within my community, I’ve learned so much about Mental Health and especially the scale of issues it can bring with it, which if truthful shocked me, and at the same time I could recognise various behaviours I’ve exhibited over the years.
We all wear that mask, to show the world that were really ok, which because of the very nature of Mental Illness you have to keep it to yourself and were all well aware of the stigma that brings, however it’s a large secret and that in itself can create at the workplace, home/relationship.
If you are being bullied at work, we know that we should tell but often don’t because we need our job, the bully is aware of this, so in some ways you enable them to continue because you don’t think you have a choice which is a natural reaction, though day by day it breaks your spirit.
If you go to your boss with problems, especially if it is affecting your work, this is difficult as you don’t want to be seen as not being able to cope, and is she/he the right person to confide in and can they adhere to the confidentiality required, often you keep it secret as it seems easier.
If you go to your doctor, do you tell them everything or feel that your again wasting their time(in the UK NHS is woefully underfunded), more importantly if your depression has taken a darker turn.
I read a great deal here about bloggers who “self harm” not only do they live with this compulsion, but who do you tell, and what deeper trigger creates this, the same with suicide, I’ve been there myself but was too cowardly to actually go through with it, though what much later brought it home to me, is how I got to that point I know it wasn’t any single one thing but more a series of events over a number of years, I will say this I kept that a secret, even from therapist and doctor I couldn’t cope with anyone one knowing.
I also see on here the most terrible occurrences of abuse be it sexual. molestation. drugs, alcoholism,domestic violence all which there is no end unless you tell, the abusers get away with it simply because we wish to keep it a secret, again we blame ourselves/scared of the stigma/we won’t be believed, victims live with this horrendous knowledge day in and day out.
I don’t think secrets are a good thing one way and another they will always surface, and the fallout can be catastrophic for some, however I come back to the same question how do we get the message out there that depression is more than “having a bad day”.
The medical profession have a lot to answer for too, (I’m not saying all doctors are bad) but seriously they have gone from handing out anti-depressants like sweeties, because a pill can solve everything right(again to add here that depressants can and do help), this is an overview but still no real support, they have spent years delving into the human mind and sometimes it seems were no further along, and there’s many a charlatan out there who will tell you anything if you plonk down enough money.
In the mean time there are people out there suffering, people with their secret stash of pills, or carrying blades etc ready to slash their own flesh to alleviate their pain(sorry to be graphic) the band aids are no longer working, something more tangible needs to happen, that can assist and support people with MH concerns and our silence should be heard.