Empty

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Today emptiness hit me, I feel so alone from myself which means the disconnect is upon me.

I can’t accept that in a few short weeks and after over a year of recovery I am lost.

Oh yes I’m joining the dots, I function, however that hollow feeling has been gnawing at me for over a week, seems to have got through.

I’m so tired and feel I could sleep for a thousand years, and still not waking up feeling refreshed, or released from my current round of disasters.

Friends have been great, but they cannot lift my spirits, in addition to that, I feel guilty burdening them with my troubles, it always seems within the small group that it’s always my life that spins out of control.

I’m ashamed that I’m not taking better care of myself, and the affirmations I utter everyday are now mocking me with their empty promises, that following the rules will bring you fulfillment….ha

All I want is life that isn’t this.

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About therabbitholez

I returned to this blog in September 2014, after a 2 year absence, due to depressive illness and homelessness. This journey charts the rocky road to recovery and my feelings about it, and getting a home together after losing everything, this too has been a rocky rocky, both things connected on many levels, but separate at the same time. If you want to know more please read my blog:) and comment on any blog you like I enjoy the interaction, and belong to a great community on here. Thanks for reading.:)
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15 Responses to Empty

  1. socokat says:

    I understand those feelings all too well. Keep making those connections and trust that you deserve every happiness. Loving myself in positive ways is the hardest, I always feel guilty about my shortcomings instead of focusing on making better choices – it’s a cycle that prevents me from actually being happy and present but instead living fearfully in both past and future, neither of which I can change or control. Wasted energy but difficult to change. You’re not alone.

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  2. I told my therapist a few days ago, amidst a flood of tears (again) that I feel HOLLOW! We’ll get there. We’ll feel full again. We will.

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  3. ***HUUUUUGS***

    I know that empty feeling all too well. 😦 Keep taking a day at a time – and let yourself off the hook! Depression is an illness, just like asthma or diabetes. You are actually, genuinely unwell in the middle of an episode like this! Give yourself permission to take it easy for a while.

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  4. You should read my most recent post about depression, because it’s too long to write it on here, but i understand, and you should really talk to someone you know about it.

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  5. I can completely understand. Two days ago I was in that state of being so tired and wanting to sleep for a thousand years, but instead, I got out of my chair and went to church. I’m really glad I did, as that’s my only source of support right now. My transportation to see my therapist and my psychiatrist was cut off until the new year, due to the funds running out. So I’m really sliding in the wrong direction.

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  6. What can we do for you?

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