Apologetic Depression

I,ve been thinking, how many times and how many ways can you keep saying “I’m sorry” if you have Mental Health issues that in itself is punishment enough with having to continually apologise for your condition.

You apologise to family,friends,colleagues,partners,doctors in fact just about everybody you come across whilst all the time banging your head against the wall with the pain that depression causes(you probably apologise to the wall as well).

Why when seeking help do I feel such a nuisance, sometimes sitting there in the doctor’s office I’ve had trouble articulating my feelings, and you can sense the impatience as they are just itching to write a new prescription to get you out of the office, and all the while you sit there saying sorry.

All this just adds to the stigma and again highlights that lack of awareness even in professions which in this country(UK) is so woefully underfunded, they really don’t have the time to consult with you properly.

Appointments take so long, that by the time you get there your symptoms have worsened and you apologise again for wasting their time, because your scared, and scared of not getting the help you need, that is if you have had a diagnoses, sometimes depression is a catchall for mental illness, and not all symptoms manifest themselves in the same way.

When people glibly say “shit happens” why is not mental illness included in the day-to-day stuff we have to deal with, depressives aren’t special, they are broken in some way and need support to help them put the pieces of their life back together again.

Depression can often be about those around you and how they feel, I agree that this is an incredibly stressful time for loved ones, and again you have to apologise to ensure they are ok and to try to make them understand it’s you and not them, but as everything is connected family life,friends do contribute to your overall outlook and wellbeing in life.

The word sorry is so enmeshed in my mind I say it constantly and need to learn to stop saying it as daily mantra, I am what I am and doing my best, I’ve passed several hurdles, even with my latest debacle I’m dealing with it, and in truth I don’t want to keep apologising.