When Life Knocks You Down

Quotation-Lisa-De-Jong-life-Meetville-Quotes-80838As the title say, life can sometimes knock the stuffing out of you, today has been pretty shitty, no correction catastrophic, and I still can’t quite believe it.

As I’ve written here I’ve been dealing with homelessness, due to debts, depression and everything else between, well I finally resolved that or so I thought.

I had been lodging with a friend, and helping them out too by being a kind of part time carer, so it was an ideal situation for both of us.

I left early this morning as I was not working at my usual place but doing some bookkeeping for a client, when I get a phone call, apparently my landlady had decided it was time for me to go, called my place of work demanding to speak to me, and when hearing I wasn’t there she told them I had some things at her place.

Long story short, in between them calling me and me trying to call her, she had loaded my belongings into a taxi and sent them to my place of work……………….

This is so out of the blue and she refused to take my many phone calls or respond to text messages, so I still have no clue as to what happened, she is also depressed and perhaps she’s had an episode get that, however we were friendly enough this morning and last night when we chatted for a while.

And yet again I feel life has slapped me in the face and frankly after everything that has happened over the last two years, and my recovery, seems I’m back at square one, all that progress has been for nought.

This afternoon I just fell into a pit of despair, after securing my belongings and making hasty explanations and finding somewhere to stay for the next week or so, I’m just shattered, the future that looked so enticing now looks bleak.

This is what happens when you think everything is ok, I got complacent took my eye off the ball and here I am just a useless mess who can’t even keep a roof over their head, all those old feelings of inadequacy came rushing back like a tidal wave today and still rumbling as I write.

There is no light just blackness, and me wanting to fall into it and let it wash me away, and yet again I have to find strength, from where I have no idea, the thought of waking up tomorrow and facing it is too much to contemplate, I’m only writing to let it all out, but the damage has been done and all I can do is wait for the black dog to return.

I did tell my BF about the days events, but they are away on business, and I’m staying at their apartment for now, they have been incredibly supportive, but I just can’t get up, and I know I have to I have to fight again to keep my mind intact, keep my head up face it, but for tonight I can’t.

Hopefully tomorrow I can rise again to do what needs to be done.

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About therabbitholez

I returned to this blog in September 2014, after a 2 year absence, due to depressive illness and homelessness. This journey charts the rocky road to recovery and my feelings about it, and getting a home together after losing everything, this too has been a rocky rocky, both things connected on many levels, but separate at the same time. If you want to know more please read my blog:) and comment on any blog you like I enjoy the interaction, and belong to a great community on here. Thanks for reading.:)
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11 Responses to When Life Knocks You Down

  1. Thats terrible news. I hope you find someplace more permanent. I hope things look better tomorrow. Sleep well.

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  2. virgobeauty says:

    I admire your strength and courage. You have shared your troubles and I can truly relate. Glad you are expressing it and not keeping it bottled up. Things WILL get better. Everyday is a step forward. Make sure you start each day with a positive mindset. Write an affirmation. Things will blossom for you. Be optimistic/expectant. Keep your head up. You are stronger than you. Sending love, light, and peace your way.

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  3. socokat says:

    You used the word useless to describe yourself and I know firsthand that that is the worst feeling in the world. Life has a way of knocking down those most vulnerable it seems, especially when it feels directed at all your best intentions. Life simply isn’t fair. That’s why it is SO important to be fair to yourself. What I read was a person trying hard to take responsibility for their own life. That is NOT uselessness. That is courage my friend. The world will be hard enough on us all, so it is important to be kind to ourselves. Be kind to yourself and gentle when judging yourself.

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    • Thank you, yesterday I hit a low point again, and it just broke down all the hard work I’ve put into making changes, and my recovery.

      Today It’s still not great I’ve got over the shock, but am prepared to fight on, it’s the only option, I just hope that I have the strength to do so.

      Thanks you again for your kind words.:)

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