I’m not a saint and I have judged, many times without even knowing the full facts of a situation, I’ve come to recognise it’s so much easier to form an opinion and then bring down the hammer, than to express compassion.
I also have judged myself harshly and unfairly and sometimes with self-pity, i had to stop and ask myself why.
I’ve always tended to take responsiblity for a great many things, family issue, in the work place, with friends, little sponge me wanted to always be responsible for everything, I wanted to lead be in charge, be good, be perfect, frankly that is too much for any one person to bear.
And when I found I couldn’t be all things to all people least of all myself I judged me harder, it was always the same mantra “tries hard but not good enough” so I tried harder ending up in a vicious cycle of self loathing which just added to my depressed stated.
You those who know nothing about mental health, don’t get it when they judge you, what they say reinforces what you feel by a thousand, so each time they spew forth their uneducated opinions about your condition it sets you back weeks, months years even, let me give a few examples:
1. Get a grip = you feel bad because you can’t cope
2. What have you got to be depressed about = You feel bad because you can’t cope
3. You have a good job, nice house, nice car, great relationship = You feel bad because you can’t cope
4. Things can’t be that bad = You feel bad because you can’t cope
5. There are others worse off than you = You feel bad because you can’t cope, and add a sprinkling of extra guilt here because you’ve forgotten those that are suffering in the Third World.
6. You should have my life (said judgementally) = Screaming inside because you can’t cope, and wanting to say I’m talking about my life!!!!!
All this judgement from yourself just crowds in on you and erodes your self-esteem, thus driving you deeper into the rabbit hole, and let me tell you the Mad Hatters Tea Party wasn’t all that fun either.
So another lesson learned try not to judge before you have the full story and even then learn from it and try to change the ending, also try not to judge yourself too harshly were only humans and when we condemn another’s frailties we condemn ourselves.