I use titles as songs, not very creative but sometimes they are apt.
I just had along talk on Skype with my best friend who is going through some relationship difficulties, this is not our first discussion on the topic, but his last words stuck in my mind so hence the post.
“I’m so lucky to have the support of a wonderful friend and who is standing next to me”
I have to admit it, that made me cry a little you see, this person has been with me through the darkest of times, and has shown me the kind of support I didn’t think possible, and of course I didn’t believe I was worthy of such care.
We can go to doctors, therapists and as excellent as their council is, it is more clinical, saying that depressives do need that structure if they are to get well.
With a friend it’s different somehow, especially those who recognise you’re in pain, but don’t fill your head with questions, they are just there.
As I’ve already said I’m a loner and find it hard to ask the time l et alone help but this person just entered my life and stayed, even when I hurled abuse at them, cried for hours on end, or sat in brooding silence, how they could stand the sheer chaotic mess of my room, or even stand next to me sometimes is a wonder, that is a friend.
As I began to see daylight and seek recovery they still didn’t ask questions, just made sure I got to my appointments, when I decided to clean up the hellish debris of my two-year breakdown, they helped me and turned up with black bags, always without asking, those shaky steps into the outside world they were by my side.
We began to talk more and in time I told my story, not all at once, because I was testing them you see, each revelation was accompanied by thought that, this might drive them away but it didn’t, and they knew it too, and made it clear they were here for the long haul, I found this irritating because, wanted to get better on one hand but be alone with demons on the other I didn’t trust is what I’m trying to say.
Gradually the trust came, along with my sapling confidence also a kind of co dependency which got a bit tricky at times, but in time we got past that, and many other hurdles in my journey to get well.
Here we are a couple of years down the road, and last week they said this is the happiest they’ve seen me in a long while and it was good, this in turn made me content, because the corner had been turned.
Now it’s my turn to be the strong one, and I can tell you I can do this, because that’s what friendship is all about not doing a favour in return, it’s recognising another needs help and you give it, also it makes me feel useful in the many lessons I’ve learned opening up to others is the greatest one, that someone who two years ago could barely function I can be a shoulder to lean on.
I have others in my support network all are valuable, and all were committed in supporting me through the lost years, I could trawl through a dictionary and never find the words that express how I feel about them.
I never have to be a loner again and, no matter where my journey takes me, I’ll never travel alone, and neither will they.