Having had a bad day at work on Monday, got me thinking about being in recovery and work.
After so long not doing anything, to be occupied brings a sense of not only achievement, but also social interaction.
When left with your own morbid thoughts and the constant questions they raise, interaction other than with your therapist and friends(if you have that support) is vital to bring you back to life.
Before my breakdown I’d trained as a TEFL teacher which us teaching english as a foreign language, although I had done quite a lot of training in my previous career, it was specific to that job.
So an easy win for me was to teach but to do it as private tuition, I felt more able to cope with just one student at a time. It worked initially just a couple of sessions per week, though it did bring quite a bit of anxiety, with planning the lessons and just basically focusing in the task in hand.
Focus actually, was difficult, because as well as talking you have to listen especially during speech lessons, as correct pronunciation, inflection are key.
My confidence grew as my first student was doing well, through word of mouth I gained several others, all I have say passed their exams, on a side note I ended up helping a few when they got into University with proofreading, also just assisting with the mountain of red tape, of looking for accommodation, applying for jobs etc.
Earning money again was good and was able to smarten myself up, which gave a massive boost, also to repay many small loans, which was the biggest boost as it meant I was back and able to fully pay my way(there is another story to that).
Gradually I got back into the hospitality trade which is my forte, I was afraid I’d lost my instincts, and it was dealing with people en mass, luckily this is where I come into my own, this is my playground.
Even though the owner drives me nuts, however I do all the bookkeeping and admin, as well as working in the restaurant, the pressure gets to me, but to get those creative juices flowing and then putting them into action, and it bearing fruit, makes me appreciate what a long way I have come.
Even better my best friend invested in me, in buying me a new laptop and paying for my bookeeping course, that alone sent my confidence soaring, but on another level, I’m worth investing in.
My self worth has improved so much in returning to work, and to be useful after so long of feeling useless I know I can’t go back to that, I won’t go back. That beast on my back doesn’t own me anymore.
I appreciate work much more this time as being semi self employed, I have a lot more control over my working hours, better yet I work to live and not live to work, I can differentiate between the two now.