When I think about the different phases of my life I’ve realised it’s only since this last breakdown that I’m a whole person.
In my last post I talked about happiness, and it’s not really fully there, which gave me pause to think, that again I’m wanting more and not being “happy” with who I am.
I’ve had to evolve so many times in life which is not a bad thing, but I’m tired of “getting over it” from having a super critical parent, so you put a wall up, being bullied at school, another wall, and all those little things inbetween.
Life in many ways have been building walls to protect myself whilst outwardly being a champion for others, never my own, which made me forget I’m worth fighting for too.
So living this dual life within these walls which in turn became my prison of the “unsaid” you know what I mean, you don’t talk about yourself or do anything that enriches you, my therapist said this is what happens with high functioning people, that stopped me in my tracks.
So being ambitious, successful is bad for your health amazing, but true because I put everything into work, friends, family, and simply there wasn’t enough for me, so my shoulders were not as broad as I thought.
Now I’m in the recovery stage, which is permanent because I have to be super dilligent that I don’t slide into “The Rabbit Hole” again, however I’m still more whole than I have ever been, because I now have a much clearer understanding of me.