During the last two weeks it’s come to me I’m not Superwoman, but just a woman, not that should have negative connotation, but it seems to fit.
I’ve not been around much mainly because I have some personal problems, watching Wimbledon, and having the dreaded summer cold.
So during my bouts in between sets of deep rumination I realised I did need people and doing it all and having it all are not the same thing at all.
Firstly I was so poorly and to just have someone bring me a hot drink or make me something to eat would have made the world of difference, instead of literally being forced out of my house to buy basics, just to keep going and being diabetic I need to eat regularly otherwise I would have had far larger problems.
The tennis was fantastic by the way and I cried when Andy Murray struggled to get to grips with losing and I felt his disappointment, though I felt he handled himself with pride and humility which shows character.
Now onto my various problems I won’t outline them here but suffice to say I confided in a good friend and we both cried, the reason being I had to hear some very painful home truths, which I couldn’t even deny and that brought home to me that I’m a woman and for all my independence and having it all, that I do need to allow others to help when I need it.
I’ve spent so much of my life being a sponge for others, that I forget that I need the same kind of nurturing too, I forget I’m also important and whilst I like to help others and be that huge shoulder to cry on I need that too.
It’s not the first time I’ve been told this and certainly won’t be the last as bad habits are hard to change into a more positive impact on my own life, but I needed to hear those truths and it hurt really hurt, but when I dried my tears I couldn’t deny the basic truths of what had been said.
I always worn my independence with pride but it’s also been a shield or a barrier if you will, that allowed me to live life on my terms, and yes I do share and let others in but always on my terms, and there are times when it’s been suffocating but only to me.
Being a woman and having it all is fine in theory but I never learned to balance, or at least follow through, hence the onset of other problems that have occurred over the last seven years or so, I would make inroads and think alls well, when really I hadn’t fully committed to personal changes I needed to make for me.
Not that I’ve had some big revelation but needed it to be pointed out in the bluntest way which has made an impact on me, and now I’m prepared to follow through and jump that last hurdle, so I’m handing in my superwoman cape and settling for just being a woman, the challenges may be harder but hopefully more rewarding.