I Attract OddBalls

Two things about me, first wherever I go I always bump into someone I know even on a plane to Australia.

Secondly I attract oddballs

Really I do no matter where I am they make a bee line for me, take last night in my favourite watering hole, sitting quietly reading, a man sits at the table next to me, and says “hello nice to see you again” I politely acknowledge  though I have no clue who he is, he then proceeds to tell me about his various business interests to his many houses his sister the lawyer, where he’d been on holiday, to, do I like the book I’m reading.

Bear in mind I’ve not said a word the guy is clearly off his rocker and just wants someone to talk to. I move and go into the other bar which is quieter, to have a chat with the server , he comes in through another door and joins our conversation, and t make matters worse he farted a huge trumpet fart and carried on talking as though nothing was amiss.

Years ago on the tube a chap got on stood next to me and started to sing Take these Chains from my heart, opened his coat which revealed a huge chain around his neck he ended the rendition my removing his wig and bowing to me before exiting the train.

Another train experience the train was on the platform and the guard let me through, now I was in the carriage alone and this numpty comes a sits right next to me, “Hello” to which I replied there’s like fifty seats why sit here next to me, his reply was that ” I was sitting in HIS seat.

I’ve heard life stories, listened to medical histories, seen X-rays looked at home refurbishment photos, on a daily basis and if I’m unlucky enough to be on the same train the story either continues or it’s a repeat so much so I could tell the bloody story, can’t even get into conspiracy theories.

I don’t even want to get into what can happen at bus stops it should be tell me your story in ten minuets or less, when I’m shops people ask me where things are and I have to explain I don’t work there which is usually met with disbelief..oh yeah right of course I have a uniform for every store in town…doh.

There’s woman in the next street who is convinced we were at school together..lol I didn’t even grow up here, I’m from London.but she says I’m just pretending because I don’t want to talk to her..she’s right I don’t want to talk to her.

Seriously i could be on a desert island thrown a message in a bottle into the sea, and the next day an oddball would arrive, and it wouldn’t be some attractive Man Friday ..just some nutter I happened to sit next to on the train..still yapping about how crap his life is.