Several years ago having chased myself down the rabbit hole, and meeting many versions of me and finally finding the one I liked best I emerged, not unscathed, but I’m here, and it was a wild ride, and not one I’d like to take again.
So in recent months I’ve come across a couple of people who have had various troubles that have left them bereft of their coping abilities, and I’m sympathetic I really do, however one in particular has been very difficult and has been leaning on me heavily for support.
I’m happy to be supportive where I can, but one thing I learned you can only help those who are willing to help themselves, there I said the thing you’re not supposed to say, but in my defence when you have lost your way and seek help one of the things you learn is to look after you.
It sounds selfish but really I had to learn to do that, actually put myself first and realise that not only my physical health but my emotional health is important too.
So back to giving support, this person has quite severe issues the main one is they are or about to become homeless, now I’ve spent a good amount of time in the last two weeks, searching the web telephoning, and knocking on doors to find them the right kind of help even gone as far as to make appointments.
They in response have not followed up on any of the information I’ve given nor have they kept any of the appointments where they can get the crucial advice.
Last night I got a bit pissy with them as I realised they are not going to do anything at all, what they want is for me to do all the work for them because “I’m so good at that kind of thing” but there is only so much i can do and I’ve done plenty to the detriment of my own time and work.
It all got very emotional and I feel as though I’m being pulled into a tornado of drama as other things came to light, I’ve been down the rabbit hole and don’t wish to go back, and now I feel guilty because I’m pissed off about helping someone who not only appreciates it but is willing to let me do all the leg work without so much as a thank you.
My only solution is now to leave this situation alone, I’ve invested in this person,and it’s not that I mind that they are having difficulties but I do mind very much that they won’t even make the smallest effort, I know how that works I wanted to hide too and it’s even worse at first when you start to talk it through painful in fact, but it can work and you can find your way again but you having to be willing at the very least.
Yes I’m being selfish, however I’ve done all I feel I can do and now have to leave them to fend for themselves, that’s the downside of allowing people to rely on you is that sometimes they can pull you down with them, I like it outside and want to stay here.