Chasing Myself Down The Rabbit Hole

Several years ago having chased myself down the rabbit hole, and meeting many versions of me and finally finding the one I liked best I emerged, not unscathed, but I’m here, and it was a wild ride, and not one I’d like to take again.

So in recent months I’ve come across a couple of people who have had various troubles that have left them bereft of their coping abilities, and I’m sympathetic I really do, however one in particular has been very difficult and has been leaning on me heavily for support.

I’m happy to be supportive where I can, but one thing I learned you can only help those who are willing to help themselves, there I said the thing you’re not supposed to say, but in my defence when you have lost your way and seek help one of the things you learn is to look after you.

It sounds selfish but really I had to learn to do that, actually put myself first and realise that not only my physical health but my emotional health is important too.

So back to giving support, this person has quite severe issues the main one is they are or about to become homeless, now I’ve spent a good amount of time in the last two weeks, searching the web telephoning, and knocking on doors to find them the right kind of help even gone as far as to make appointments.

They in response have not followed up on any of the information I’ve given nor have they kept any of the appointments where they can get the crucial advice.

Last night I got a bit pissy with them as I realised they are not going to do anything at all, what they want is for me to do all the work for them because “I’m so good at that kind of thing” but there is only so much i can do and I’ve done plenty to the detriment of my own time and work.

It all got very emotional and I feel as though I’m being pulled into a tornado of drama as other things came to light, I’ve been down the rabbit hole and don’t wish to go back, and now I feel guilty because I’m pissed off about helping someone who not only appreciates it but is willing to let me do all the leg work without so much as a thank you.

My only solution is now to leave this situation alone, I’ve invested in this person,and it’s not that I mind that they are having difficulties but I do mind very much that they won’t even make the smallest effort, I know how that works I wanted to hide too and it’s even worse at first when you start to talk it through painful in fact, but it can work and you can find your way again but you having to be willing at the very least.

Yes I’m being selfish, however I’ve done all I feel I can do and now have to leave them to fend for themselves, that’s the downside of allowing people to rely on you is that sometimes they can pull you down with them, I like it outside and want to stay here.

About therabbitholez

I returned to this blog in September 2014, after a 2 year absence, due to depressive illness and homelessness. This journey charts the rocky road to recovery and my feelings about it, and getting a home together after losing everything, this too has been a rocky rocky, both things connected on many levels, but separate at the same time. If you want to know more please read my blog:) and comment on any blog you like I enjoy the interaction, and belong to a great community on here. Thanks for reading.:)
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4 Responses to Chasing Myself Down The Rabbit Hole

  1. Firstly, VERY firstly, don’t for one second think you are being selfish. You have tried your very very best to help and offered them more than just support. The very fact that they expect someone else to put in all the hard work for them shows a lot about their characters … and people like that really, honestly, don’t deserve any more help. You rightly said only help people who are prepared to help themselves. So very true! I think they have been supremely lucky having a friend like you, so …. no more guilt and definitely no more thoughts about being selfish!


    • I can’t but feel that way, but after tonight I found out someone else was also running about for I’m out i wished them luck but will not be helping further.


  2. You’re not being selfish at all – are you kidding me?? I refuse to help anyone that won’t help themselves… well… maybe not refuse, but if I’m helping you out and you don’t do anything about it, then you can bet I’m not gonna want to help any more.

    It comes down to that “teach a man to fish” thing. There was someone in my life who wanted me to do something for him… it was a minor thing, so I did it the first few times… but then I started saying, “let me show you how to do it and then you won’t have to rely on anyone else.”

    To put it mildly, he didn’t like this. He said things like “why can’t you just do it? It’ll be quicker,” to which I replied “because I’m not your slave and you need to do this for yourself” LOL He thought was an asshole. I stuck to my guns. And he still doesn’t know how to do that thing.

    You’re doing the right thing, honestly. Please don’t beat yourself up over this.

    (BTW, I’m not talking about James LOL)


    • Thanks for your kind words I’ve now walked away from the situation, after finding out that he’d had others helping him doing the same thing.

      I don’t mind helping others if a I can and will go the extra mile if need be, but will not be used as an slave whilst they sit by and do nothing.

      My other point as I found out when I was going through the worst of my problems a few years ago was how few helped me that I expected and actually got help and support form unexpected there you have it.

      My problem is i would help again not this person, but I’ve come to realise I don’t like people depending on me as with some it’s far too heavy a load to carry.


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