The Witching Hours

 

Again another night of wakefulness, I like the nighttime hours the quiet it gives me time to reflect without the usual interruptions.

I’m not sure when I first became a night owl as I’m a person who loves their sleep, but with the onset of depression the my sleeping patterns changed dramatically and it appeared to me, that sleep during the day seemed more beneficial and the witching hours just seemed right.

As a naturally gregarious person, my contradiction is that I’ve always craved solitude, real alone time which many don’t understand, and think of it as antisocial, I prefer to think of it as simply switching of to be alone with myself.

Within that aloneness I can be very active to doing nothing, the thoughts that flicker across my mind like a film reel tend to go nowhere, as I let it wash over me and other times I’ll spend hours just simply reading or jotting down notes for the novel I may never write.

So many pieces of crumpled paper as my thoughts turn this way and that, not even trying to make sense but the idea of recording something for future use appeals, the thoughts during waking hours I don’t have the time to explore properly, not that clarity always comes, but it might, and what to do with it when it arrives, in what  way can I channel my new-found awareness of me.

My friends see my  wanting solitude as being lonely or hiding away, I don’t mind that, because there’s nothing wrong in hiding away, I give of myself freely and like to have something that is solely for me, space, which to some the concept seems to spell loneliness never realising that you can be lonely in a crowd, and I rarely feel lonely but do like to be alone, I’ve come to like my own company which is the trick for the want of a better word.

My own nirvana being comfortable with myself,but at the same time being able to share with others.

 

 

 

 

 

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About therabbitholez

I returned to this blog in September 2014, after a 2 year absence, due to depressive illness and homelessness. This journey charts the rocky road to recovery and my feelings about it, and getting a home together after losing everything, this too has been a rocky rocky, both things connected on many levels, but separate at the same time. If you want to know more please read my blog:) and comment on any blog you like I enjoy the interaction, and belong to a great community on here. Thanks for reading.:)
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2 Responses to The Witching Hours

  1. I can relate… I need “me” time too… I feel selfish about it too… to be honest, these are still emotions and feelings I’m trying to come to terms with. I like my alone time but by the time I get to it, I’m usually too tired to do anything with it LOL

    I used to read a lot but now I don’t because I’m too tired. I so want to read again.

    Part of me is pretty convinced I’m better off alone and not being in a relationship, but I also know damn well I need that companionship. I don’t know if I’ll ever get married again, or even live with someone.

    *sigh*

    Either way, I’m thinking too far ahead. I need to get through this divorce first. I think, right now, I’ll settle for just a hug LOL

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    • I hear you, ilike companionship, but wanting to be alone creates problems as some just don’t “get it”, I think everybody needs space even as little as five minutes a day.for me it’s essential.

      Living with another is a whole other dynamic, i’ve been in relationships where i felt as though being stalked, and other times treated indifferently both equally bad, so i learned to like my own company..which is pretty good.

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