I Confess I’m Single

My post today in part was inspired by LazyLauraMaisey who is participating in the A-Z daily posting challenge, I recommend you read her blog also.

Anyway in her post she is on letter B and was discussing babies and why people think that it’s ok to interrogate those who don’t have children.

So to finally get started on my own post, I wanted to expand a little more on the subject, I’m single and don’t have children, which makes me feel I’m at an AA meeting, and have to go through the twelve steps to explain why.

The point is I don’t have to explain, and so as not to sound militant in my singledom, I do belive in marriage and family for those, who want them, and it wouldn’t occur to me to question why they chose their lifestyle.

However over the years I’ve been asked he most intrusive questions as to why I remain single, and even those that know me in their coupledom smugness, know I’ve been in several longterm relationships which obviously didn’t commute to a lifetime partnership.

It’s even been put to me that “it’s better than being alone” really! you can be just as lonely in a relationship in fact that’s even worse to face indifference on a daily basis, which I’m happy to say is not for me

I’ve been called selfish for not having children, well thankfully I grew with the idea that I didn’t need children to make my lie complete, it’s even been suggested that if I have children I’ll have them to keep me company in my old age, that is no life for a child, and even when I did think about it and thought about how much my life would change I decided against, so if that makes me selfish, so be it.

The point I’m trying to make having a life partner or children doesn’t necessarily make you a whole person, I believe you have to do that yourself, it can enhance your life if that’s what you want, but not everybody wants the same, and that society even in 2012 should still judge a woman by her ability to procreate to somehow fit in is a ludicrous proposition, far too many women feel pressured to marry and have children and find themselves completely overwhelmed and not to mention the loss of identity, as you become somebody’s wife or mother.

As a single i can’t say my life is richer, but it suits me, I have friends who count as well as family, interests, I’m open to all possibilities, but I do wish others wouldn’t feel the need to try to make me feel guilty for the choices I make, as I said in the beginning I wouldn’t do it to them, and even if I didn’t agree I keep my mouth shut and be a sounding board if needed, there’s always plenty of wine and chocolate here..lol.

As I read once if you want company buy a pet, well I have two cats who allow me to be their housekeeper and for now I’m happy with that.

 

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About therabbitholez

I returned to this blog in September 2014, after a 2 year absence, due to depressive illness and homelessness. This journey charts the rocky road to recovery and my feelings about it, and getting a home together after losing everything, this too has been a rocky rocky, both things connected on many levels, but separate at the same time. If you want to know more please read my blog:) and comment on any blog you like I enjoy the interaction, and belong to a great community on here. Thanks for reading.:)
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8 Responses to I Confess I’m Single

  1. Nothing wrong with loving yourself and staying open to possibilities!!

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  2. It’s funny that you’re writing this article because I’ve written a blog on “Happiness” today reflecting from an article that was written in Essence this month. I have two children, but I believe you should be empowered to make the decision as to “give birth” or “not to give birth just yet or never.” ~Shamenomore

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  3. I know how you feel. I put up with so much crap when I was in my 20’s regarding my single status that I invented a girlfriend to shut up the busybodies at work. I have to admit, I did get at least a small sense of smug and twisted satisfaction about that LOL

    People thought I was gay because I didn’t have a girlfriend. I got sick of being asked if there were “any nice girls at work I liked” and being told I was too picky. The truth of the matter was that I simply had no clue how to talk to women LOL

    Anyway, I read with interest how you’d been called selfish for not having children… I really don’t understand the logic in that LOL I once argued (successfully, I thought) that having a child was the most selfish act of your life – why do people have children? You can’t possibly tell me it’s because you think your future child will benefit from being born. You can’t possibly tell me you seriously think the world will be a better place because you had a child.

    Truthfully, I can’t tell you “why” I had a son; I only know that I wanted a child and while the reasons are many, frankly none of them were altruistic. They were all, to some extent, selfish.

    I don’t see a “need” to have a child and bringing one into the world because you feel it is your duty is, I feel, quite horrendous. I love my son, I couldn’t live without him, but a child is not something that everyone desires or should have.

    So I say, stand your ground and good luck to you πŸ™‚

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    • I agree men fall into the same trap and the assumption tat your gay becaue you don’t have a girlfriend is well ridiculous.

      I would agree that having a child is not alturistic, but can be born of a desire to have a child which is for a life time and beyond, and is certainly not a duty to perform so one can fit in.

      The benefits are numerous as are the downsides and it takes commitment to make that work and I take my hat off to those who, but it isn’t for everyone.

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  4. Pingback: To Date Or Not To Date! | The Rabbit Hole

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