The Lighthouse

Last night I dreamt I was at Manderlay again.

The first line from one of my favourite books  Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier

I include the line because we never know the second Mrs De Winters name, she is the narrator of the story.

That’s how I feel about my own life sometimes that I’m narrating the story, but have no clue what the ending will be, the chapters are numerous and a story within themselves.

I have another blogging friend who has been writing her memoirs for the last five years, and watching the story unfold, has made me think if i would be ever brave enough to tell my story the unvarnished version.

I give little bits of me hear, and feel that I’m honest in relating of what I think or feel at any given time, but it’s not cohesive, because they are snippets only, a sleight of hand if you will only letting others know what I want them to know.

I dream sometimes that I live in a lighthouse with the long winding staircase, as I look through the windows seeing parts of my life, wondering if I would change anything the answer invariably is no, but I do see through many windows and remind myself that chapter is yet to come, another adventure.

I’ve not yet blogged about books and what they mean to me, but I always seem able to transport myself to that time and place, be it villain or heroine, and Rebecca always reminds me of the duality of my personality, the flamboyancey and the quiet introspectiveness.

So I keep climbing the staircase looking through the windows catching glimpses of the girl I was and seeing the woman I am, until I reach the top of the lighthouse with occasional forays into the rabbit hole.

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About therabbitholez

I returned to this blog in September 2014, after a 2 year absence, due to depressive illness and homelessness. This journey charts the rocky road to recovery and my feelings about it, and getting a home together after losing everything, this too has been a rocky rocky, both things connected on many levels, but separate at the same time. If you want to know more please read my blog:) and comment on any blog you like I enjoy the interaction, and belong to a great community on here. Thanks for reading.:)
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2 Responses to The Lighthouse

  1. I know what you mean. I wanted to write about my life so my son had a record of my experiences when he’s older. I’m hoping he’ll be able to relate to them and be able to understand his old man better. I hope he’ll enjoy reading the stories too. Truthfully, I guess it’s a kind of insurance policy, in case I’m not around.

    I didn’t know where to start and I didn’t want to write about my life in a linear fashion because I would lose interest way too quickly. I’ve always loved music and music has always had a special meaning and held special memories for me, so that was my obvious way in.

    I actually like the randomness of my posts as well LOL I might be writing about 1980 today but writing about 1995 tomorrow. I honestly don’t know LOL

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