Closing The Door

 

Yet again sleep evades me, so instead of laying there tossing and turning I was thinking about closing doors, instead of counting sheep.

Over my lifetime I wondered how many times we opened and closed doors beyond the normal everyday function.

How many times through my life have I opened the door to someone and invited them into my life, many I suspect but only a few remain within the portals of my life, why.

I’ve never been someone who makes instant friends yes the old cliché holds true I have many acquaintances, but friends  real friends I can count on one hand, that seems extreme even to me, but my old Headmaster told me that, but the advice was born because I was being bullied at school and it was a message to look carefully at who were real friends.

I have often broken that rule, and for good or bad it was an experience at worst painful sometimes exhausting, other times our lives have taken different directions and it was time to move on I’m ok with that the ebb and flow of life dictates that.

The investment in friendship is huge,they see you at your best and worst,you fight you laugh you cry and every emotion in between and a few more I’d wager and best of all they are your touchstone where you find balance.

So for me it’s hard to close the door on people who mean something to me, they would have to rad heavily in my shoes for me to slam that door, even if we had to put distance between us, and most of all closing a door doesn’t mean you have to betray that friendship the confidences we shared the invaluable support given freely.

To close a door a door doesn’t give you the right to twist the knife and hurt humiliate, to prove you have moved on, to forever close that door will have an effect on both, something inside will shift make you trust less, as you wonder about every aspect of the person you considered a friend.

On a final note there are times when closing the door is the only option left, as toxicity is never healthy, as there are some it seem who want to swallow you whole, and it’s not possible to be responsible for another’s happiness because you can give and give and it will never be enough.

How often do you open and close doors in your life

 

 

 

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About therabbitholez

I returned to this blog in September 2014, after a 2 year absence, due to depressive illness and homelessness. This journey charts the rocky road to recovery and my feelings about it, and getting a home together after losing everything, this too has been a rocky rocky, both things connected on many levels, but separate at the same time. If you want to know more please read my blog:) and comment on any blog you like I enjoy the interaction, and belong to a great community on here. Thanks for reading.:)
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