Into That Deep Goodnight

Again last night sleep eluded me, leaving me listless today again, there are long periods when I can manage my insomnia, but this last week it has been beaten into submission by wakefulness.

I’ve always worked long hours , up early finish late then a wind down period before bed, but when in my twenties my energy levels were different, I was

As time has passed and particularly with being diagnosed with depression seven years ago, when during the worst times I felt as though I could sleep for a hundred years, but that was more my mind and body were broken and would take time to heal.

Though I’ve come through of the worst of my depression especially in the last year almost forcing myself to rejoin the world, it’s still sleep that eludes me and I hate the feeling that my body and mind are not as rested as they should be, which makes me crabby to say the least and at worst can sometimes feel as though I’m slipping back into the vortex.

Depression is still a subject that cannot be talked about openly even with friends unless they’ve experienced the same or are healthcare professional, the lack of understanding is depressing, as people still thinks it’s a self-indulgent illness when you just want to face whatever is going on in your life.

Well all I can say is that I never thought depression would visit me and the shock I felt when diagnosed was immense but once I started to work towards healing myself the signs I’d been ignoring became obvious, well to me, but my outer self the one I used to hide behind was so convincing that even the closet friends found it difficult to comprehend.

Well I no longer hide and I’ve travelled a long road to health, though still fragile at times, my one wish a full nights sleep.


About therabbitholez

I returned to this blog in September 2014, after a 2 year absence, due to depressive illness and homelessness. This journey charts the rocky road to recovery and my feelings about it, and getting a home together after losing everything, this too has been a rocky rocky, both things connected on many levels, but separate at the same time. If you want to know more please read my blog:) and comment on any blog you like I enjoy the interaction, and belong to a great community on here. Thanks for reading.:)
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3 Responses to Into That Deep Goodnight

  1. emma says:

    ” . . . people still think it’s a self-indulgent illness.” Isn’t that the truth.

    I almost hated to click “like” for this post but depression is rough to write about (much less to deal with daily) and even harder for others to understand. Having traveled the same road, I applaud you, you wrote it well.


    • I didn’t really understand until it happened to me, I even felt ashamed that somehow I broke myself if that makes sense.
      But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, in which I emerged once again, and it’s a long road, but worth it in the end.


      • emma says:

        I completely understand the “broke myself” feeling. I’m glad you’re on the other side of that tunnel. Me, too, but I struggle with it, still.


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